Creativity · God & Such · grief · POW life

I’m Looking For You

I’ve had five years of this.  I actually had to count on my fingers from 2009 to 2014  just to make sure.  Five years.  And this is the way of it, I’ve found.  I start consistently thinking about Michelle around this time of year, though the anniversary of her death isn’t until April 25th.

So much has happened within these years without her.  My husband successfully became a police officer, being among a few that were hired from hundreds of applicants.  I returned to the outside workforce after 10 years of working on the inside (at home with young kids).  I’ve completed 4 years of being a medical assistant to a podiatrist back in November, now working in my 5th year.  Ethan entered Jr. High school and Noel is turning into a young lady.  Five years ago, Ethan was eight and Noel was six.  My brother, Dan, has married a beautiful kind-hearted, fun woman and they just had a baby boy – Sebastian Roger.  The rundown of this seems so easy – but let me tell you that it was not.

Life has its rhythm.  And it doesn’t make sense at times.  I’m learning to just go with the flow.  To enjoy what the moment has to offer.  This winter has been harsh – we’ve not had such a hard time of it in many years.  It is inconvenient, to say the least.  We’ve lost power.  Jason had to stay overnight where he works.  We’ve not been able to have him around much due to his schedule.  It seems the kids have not had one complete week of school yet in this new year.  We’ve had days without electricity.  But I can’t say that I wish it was different.  I’m enjoying the snow and the cold.  Because we have it, it’s here.

This is what life, Michelle, and God has taught me these last few years;  Take it as it comes.  Try, just try, to enjoy life as much as you are able to with each moment that it gives you.  Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t.  Take pictures.  Lots of pictures.  Don’t feel guilty on focusing your time on your immediate loved ones.  But extend yourself when you can.  Be creative.  Because you reflect your Creator when you create.  Love.  Make it your endeavor to be ever more overwhelmed with love from the One who loved you first. And know that when you feel most alone, defeated, and a complete failure, that He is there to melt into.  Just sit with Him.

He tells me to just sit with Him.


4 thoughts on “I’m Looking For You

  1. Beautiful.
    The last paragraph is so rich.
    “Be creative. Because you reflect your Creator when you create.”
    It’s so hard to lose someone close. Obviously, Michelle was dear.

  2. Emily, I am just finding this today as I work backward through my email. I have a really hard time keeping up with my unread mail. I just wanted to say thank you for this. My Buck and your Michele’s passing took place only four days apart; both five years ago. I’ve been feeling pretty blue here of late. Not surprising as the anniversary approaches. Your words encouraged me. Thank you, dear one. I hope your own words will echo in your heart when you need them. Hugs to you.

    1. I’ve been thinking about you and Buck often, knowing that this is a difficult time for you as well. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Renee’. Hugs to you, my friend.

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