Randomness · The Great Experiment

In Training

I have 13 days before the big event.  Shoot, I should have started training sooner for this. 

smörgåsbord, Swedish buffet
(Image via Wikipedia of a swedish smorgasbord) There is nothing on this plate worthy of precious stomach space.

There are so many ways to waste money.  One of the

biggest ways is to take me to a smorgasbord (yeah, that’s how you spell it).  I enter into this world of diverse delectable delight and immediately become overwhelmed with all the possibilities.  I know myself.  I must prioritize.  What looks the best?  Because I must eat what I’m craving 1st.  There is no guarantee that I’ll be around for seconds. 

My problem?  A small stomach.  It is a hazard in smorgasbord eating environments.  Oh the frustration!    There are so many things I would love to dig into – but my stomach cannot expand beyond the 1st dish (one must save room for a bit of dessert), so I’m left with “big eyes small stomach” syndrome. 

Not this time.  Jason and I are joining his squad at a larger-than-life smorgasbord over in Lancaster County.  I’ve never been there (we tend to avoid this type of restaurant due to my stomach hazard).  It’s called Shady Maples (insert angel music here).  I’m in trouble. 

What can be done?  The answer is not what I want to hear.  I don’t know if I have it in me.  It’s going to push my boundaries.  I’ll be stretched beyond what I think I’ll be able to bear.  I’ll have to dig deep.

I must stretch my stomach.  Just like the hot dog eating contestants in a hot dog eating contest.  It’s the small asian guy that wins.  I may just discover a hidden talent.  I’m not a runner.  I’m not a badminton player.  I don’t have large muscles.  But, as I progress in training, what if I find out I can eat 53 hot dogs in 15 minutes?  Do these guys make much money? 

Stomach diagram in Inkscape.
(Image via Wikipedia) The plan of attack is this: enter food through the mouth, swallow down the esophagus, enter into the stomach. Repeat process over and over again to reach stretched out status. Then, the day of the event, don't eat anything until I enter into the building. Watch out Shady Maples - here I come.

Stay focused Emily, stay focused.  You are not training for the hot dog eating contest.  You are training for the way too big smorgasbord over in Lancaster county in order to not waste $18 bucks and to enjoy more than one plate of dinner and one type of dessert.  You are weak and tiny.  You must eat each meal until you are miserable.  Stretch that stomach out girl!  It will take guts.  Lots of guts to keep your resolve firm.  You will find that you are a stronger person when everything is said and done.

I have friends who run marathons.   I have family who have (and will again) run the Tough Mudder

Me?  I will eat many plates of food at a very large smorgasbord.


7 thoughts on “In Training

      1. I saw that when I was there last- I forgot about that. Anyone looking at you one would see that you would not begin to get your monies worth. Your dad says KEEP TRAINING!! “” I pick things up , I put them down.”. ” I pick things up , I put them down!”

      2. Tell dad that I had a good 1st training day yesterday and I hope to surpass it today. You guys are my inspiration with eating “fish on a stick”, minus the head. I hope there is limited Vietnamese food at Shady Maples – I’m not sure the Amish know how to cook it right.

  1. Upon my research of Shady Maples, I discovered that they offer discounts to gastric bypass patients. Isn’t that nice of them? (and what kind of person would insist on taking their gastric bypass friend to a smorgasbord? that’s pretty evil if you ask me. and I know evil).

  2. I feel like I’ve been in training for the last 20 years. Be careful. It could become a habit. I read this and thought… ohhhh to have a small stomach {and hips, and butt, and waist}. I can rock a buffet, although we rarely do, because we do feel compelled to eat our money’s worth.
    But an Amish buffet?? Ohmylard… it sounds like it would be fantastic. You must post a full report! {Thanks for the photo of the Swedish smorgasbord. I’ll not have to eat today. Bleck!}

    1. We always lose money with me at a smorgasbord – but this time we have a secret weapon (if my training fails). Noel. Smorgasbords were made for her – she loves all types of food and is going through a growth spurt so she’ll be able to pack it away. But I’m training hard so we won’t have to use our back-up plan.

      I should bring my camera to photo document the experience.

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