Oh how I hate that song.
We went Christmas tree hunting this afternoon as the sun was dropping lower and lower into the sky, putting the pressure on to find that perfect tree before we had no more light to see with. As if we needed more pressure. Each year, as we drive down the tree farm drive, we remind ourselves that the longer we look, the harder it is to find that perfect tree, and minutes turn to hours. Find a tree fast and get the heck out of there. That’s the goal each year. Another goal is to find a tree that won’t take up half the house. It’s amazing how crowded things get in here with the simple addition of an evergreen. I don’t even like evergreens. Keep it small and keep it skinny. No tall fat trees please.
Of course the kids objected.
Bigger is better. Like the one below:
They look up in awe, “This one! This One!”
“Yeah, I don’t think so kids. It’s taller than me!” Exclaims that handsome man with the flag.
“How about the one in front of it kids?” I suggest.
(we can always put it on our bistro table) No go. They run to the next big tree.
Soon we find ourselves in a land of Monster Christmas Trees. I can only assume these trees have been overlooked and rejected year after year. My heart goes out to one, even though it is an evergreen. I want to rescue it. Give it the kind of Christmas it’s been yearning for all these years. I envision the sort of special Kodak moments this tree would have partook in. But rule #1 of picking: no holes & no brown. My heart breaks as we leave the land of Misfit Monster Christmas Trees. “I’ll pray for you, you freak of a tree. There’s a family out there that’s perfect for you!” I lie.
Five hours into it. (okay okay, I’m exaggerating. But the phenomenon is still real; one gets sucked in deeper and deeper and you find yourself talking to yourself. “just a little bit longer… the perfect one’s just beyond… we can find one better than that…”
I think we found it! Lord, let this be the tree.
Not tall enough. Not fat enough. Moving on.
(but guys, I said no fat ones!)
Here it is – the Stump Family Christmas Tree, 2011 Edition!
Wave your flag E! Lets get it cut down before we change our minds.
It’s not too big. Right?
Nobody uses our front door anyway.
“Mommy, why are you helping us put the decorations on?” Inquires the little lawyer.
“Cause I want some of them put on the right way.” I say before I think.
Offended, the little lawyer claims,
“But we’re good hookers!”
Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree! How lovely are thy branches!
(what a stupid song).