It’s Monday and I’m in that kind of mood. The mood where if you look at me wrong I’ll spit nails at you (toenails? Yeah, I’ll spit toenails.). So here are my rantings. Reader beware. I just may lose readership with this one my friends.
Can’t you smile at me – you mean overweight middle-aged man who is benefitting from the diabetic shoe evaluation we’re preforming on you so that you would qualify for diabetic shoes at no cost to you but at extraordinary pain in-the-ass cost to me? Do you realize how involved the paper work is for this? It’s more than signing off on surgery and only a little less than buying a new used car. Don’t act like I’m your pain in the ass, pain in the ass. And when these shoes come in and you believe they do not fit – even though they do – I don’t care. I will shove your big feet into them. They will fit. Dammit. And I will not send them back to get a new size. No. I. Won’t. If only you didn’t roll your eyes at me inside your mind. If only you didn’t frown. I hope you get constipated. You are a mean man and there is no excuse for your meanness. I don’t like you.
I just hate it when people drive the exact same speed as the speed limit. Can’t they go at least 3 mph over? That would make me feel like I’m getting somewhere. It never fails that when I’m desiring to arrive at my destination in at certain time and I may be a little behind (which is no big deal if I could only travel 5 mph over the limit), God puts a law abiding citizen in front of me. Or a garbage truck. Or a school bus. It just drives me insane. I could spit toenails.
I had an old lady come in our office the other day who kept ranting about how there are so many old people living and that it is costing the government so much money and that they should just die. And the government should help with the extermination of them. I looked at her and asked, “Does that mean you’re volunteering to go first?” Now, all was said in jest – you can get away with saying stuff like that in front of our blasphemous doctor. But really – you should never verbalize this kind of thing.
I scrubbed enough dry scaling skin off of somebody legs today to make a matching pocketbook and shoes. Yeah. It’s that kind of Monday.
You may ask, “If you’re in podiatry, what are you doing with people’s legs?” Good question for those who are ignorant of the answer. Podiatrists work from the knees down. They can do surgery on ankles as well as feet. We treat ulcers that develop on legs. We can set people up for compression pumps to help increase circulation and decrease edema. This helps prevent stasis ulcers. Why am I writing about all this in a post dedicated to ranting? I don’t know. There must be some rambling mixed in with the ranting I guess. Chalk it up to FYI.
“Can somebody cut my toenails?” Hurricane EE shoots up his request tonight hoping it will hit the ears of an adult who will take enough pity on him to grant him his wish. Good grief. Can’t they just go bed? Why do they wait for bedtime to make nail trimming requests?
Could it possibly be almost 9pm already? I have so much work to catch up on tomorrow from today. Don’t you just hate it when you are already behind before you even start? I just may verbalize my ranting to the mean patients tomorrow. I’d love to see their reaction. Because typically, believe it or not, I’m very nice and smiley and funny. Even if they’re not. But someday, someday, I’m going to flip out.
It’s going to be glorious.